A good suicide note should be concise.

• Goodbye cruel world, you never properly explained what a Bitcoin is.


• Who am I to outlive the Simpsons?
  


• Catch me if you can, Alzheimers!
   
• Catch me if you can, student loan!


• Bury me with an anti-dandruff shampoo which actually works.


• My lighter is all the way over there and it's Sunday.
  


• Coming soon to a Ouija board near you.


• I died to make space for Beyoncé's wardrobe.


• Somebody told me I'm a beautiful unique individual with the potential to spread a bounty of love over the Earth, illimitible, enriching the lives of all. Sounds hard.


• My flatmate wouldn't stop talking about Dark Souls.


• You know those days where you just can't be bothered getting out of bed? It's like that, but forever.


• Please react to this note appropriately, the webcam is still on.