My Dragon's Den pitch

I am here to ask for a £1 million investment in a venture which I believe will synthesise two industries with almost unlimited resources and profit potential; undertaking and celebrity culture. What if when you died, instead of being cremated or buried, you had yourself either liquified, powdered, or sliced up really thin? Then- and here's the good bit- for a fee you can arrange to have the celebrity of your choice eat you over the course of, say, six months. Clients can have themselves mixed into meals or protein shakes, and interred in the bowels or your favourite singer or Hollywood star.

I already have a number of ideas for marketing this service. Basically what we want to sell is that people can actually become part of their celebrity idol, as their proteins are converted into energy which will create the good looks and ideas of celebrities. Here are a few draft examples:

•   A modelling photo of Naomi Cambell's face. Caption: “Why try to get skin like this when you could be skin like this?”

• Close-up black and white photograph of Eric Clapton's finger callouses. Caption: “You will never get closer to the music than this”.

• Close-up photo of Robin Williams' chest hair. Caption: “Wish you were here?”

Your one million pound investment will cover the start-up fees required in hiring a number of reasonably priced celebrities for the service. I know for a fact that Jimmy Nail isn't up to much at the moment. In time, as the brand grows, we can start aiming for the Scarlett Johanssons and Johnny Depps, with an average cost of £50,000 per deceased. We're also going to need a team of chefs able to prepare meals to a standard expected by the showbiz elite, but we can make this cost back by offering families the chance to subscribe to a webcam feed showing the celebrity in question at mealtimes, laying their loved one to rest.

I have given a great deal of thought to this idea and can think of no way that it could fail to take off. Everybody loves celebrities, everybody dies, and what I have found is that when death and famous people go together, the profit potential is enormous; just look at Diana. Also, if I could get my one million in cash, that would be ideal.